It's a Twista!

i should never go to walmart. i just should never go. something crazy always happens. but i had to buy diapers!! i had a diaper cake to make!! first, i didn't know where the diapers were and had to ask. i felt like such a dumbass. but i've never had to buy them before! and by the way, for those who don't know, diapers are expensive!! i told mark we need to come up with a way to potty train our kids before they turn 1. and, for those of you who don't know, diapers are not (as i thought) in the toiletries area where the adult diapers are. no, they are in the baby clothes section. diapers look a whole lot cuter when they're next to onesies and baby socks than they would if they were next to some Depends (i think it's a marketing ploy). so i spend a zillion hours trying to decide which diapers to buy...i decided to just go with one of the 3 names i've heard of (huggies, luvs, pampers) and ignore the fact that no diapers exist without baby pooh on them...huggies, it is. just as i was finishing up, the walmart head honcho came over the loudspeaker and said "attention walmart customers and shoppers (and here i thought those were the same thing) and walmart attendants (are these like mixes of stewardesses and grocery store clerks?), we need everyone to move to the center of the store. there is a tornado headed this way"...so we kind of all just start moving toward the center. when we're relatively close to the "center of the store", we can see old women who apparently can't hear the announcements wandering back and forth in front of the cash registers, not able to figure out why there are no cashiers. several old women try to leave and one employee says "look, i can't stop you from leaving, but i can't check you out." old women who want to go home are not very open to the idea of standing around like a bunch of cows with 200 other idiots in the middle of walmart while witches fly by the windows singing "dun-da-dun-da-dun-da, dun-da-dun-da-dun-da, dun-da-dun-da-dun-da DAAAAA". i happened to be standing in the pet aisle. one of the employees was next to me and resolutely informed me that when the tornado came, she was going to get some of the dog beds and put them over her head. the boss woman comes back on the speaker like 10 minutes later and tells us that we ALL need to move near the ladies' dressing area. if you've ever been in the ladies' dressing area at walmart, you'd know that it only has like 3 dressing rooms in a closet-like, no-roof area in the middle of the store. needless to say, all 200 or so people that were in walmart at that time were in no way going to fit anywhere near the ladies' dressing area. she then comes back on the speaker and tells us that the warning isn't over until 11:30 (it's now 11:05), so we just better stay put until then. then, 5 minutes later, she comes back on the speaker and tells us we can go home. then i went to publix and laughed with the cashiers at all the idiots at walmart who are afraid of a little rain :)