How to Shmooze

I recently asked a good friend what the most influential books in his life had been, and he responded with Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." As I know this guy pretty well and respect his opinions, I completely thought he was joking. He wasn't. I had always thought of this book as a way that salesmen, politicians, and those hokey televangelists with the big pink hair could put some more notches in their belts and fifties in their pockets, a kind of brown-nosers' guide to life at the top. Having never read the book myself, though, I'm pretty sure that my perception was based entirely on the title alone. And by the way--I still do hold to the fact that it is an abysmal title. But, because my friend doesn't fit in any of the fake, money-grubbing, despicable categories I've mentioned here, I've decided that I should read the book for myself. I see this thing ending in one of three ways. One, I realize my friend for what he truly is: a sad, false little man with such little regard for himself that he relies on the number of "friends" on his myspace page for his only source of self worth. (As I created the page for him because he refused to resign himself to cyber-relations, I think this outcome is highly unlikely). Two, the book changes my life, as well, and consequently my relationships become much healthier and much more fulfilling for all involved. And three, I realize that the sway I have held over people in the past has been a drop in the bucket compared to the influence I could have, and I end up ruling the universe and "persuading" everyone to do the things that I think are necessary for life (eating ice cream at every opportunity; bringing home Christmas trees the day after Thanksgiving, no earlier, no later; refusing to wear orange no matter the cost, etc.). If only I had more friends to give me their opinion on the book...oh, wait...that's outcome number four! Stay tuned...